______________________________ | ___ _______ ___ | | / _ \/ __/ _ \/ _ \ | | / // / _// , _/ ___/ | | /____/___/_/|_/_/ | | | | PROUDLY | | ....PRESENTS.... | | | | ...THE HAUS SHOW REPORT... | | VOLUME 3 | | | | DATE: August 17th, 2011 | | WRITTEN BY: Tyler Terrapin | |____________________________| Can you believe it folks? It is already time for the haus show report volume _THREE_! And while the attendance was a little light compared to the first two outings, it is a Wednesday night in the Burgh and at least 500... Probably around 700 fans have shown up! The DERP Arena is built to hold at least four times that, but hey, it's in it's infancy.. Check back in a year and see what our attendance looks like! I'm sure it will be MUCH higher because of things like this. Before the show even got started, at the preshow cook out, DERP fan favorite "ALL ACTION" DENNY LATIMER, addressed the crowd. The BBQ cookout, right out front the DERP Arena, was doing as busy as trade as it has been the last two shows. Most people aren't interested in the show, perhaps, but hey, long as they buy food it's still money in DERP's pocketbooks. Denny was busy making rounds, shaking fans hands, posing for pictures, even though he wasn't booked on the card. A girl employed by DERP in some capacity kept trying to get him to speak into a microphone despite his obvious reluctance. But after repeated cheers from the crowd... he now longer could refuse! DL: All right lads, settle down, settle down. Give me a second, lemme finish this first though. [Latimer gulps down the remainder of his hot dog and wipes his hands on his jeans.] DL: Damn that is actually great. What’s that stuff you put on top of them? [A muffled voice from one of the chefs yelling "kraut" in can be heard.] DL: Well whatever it is, I’m a fan. ’Ill tell you what else I’m a fan of: DERP. You guys, you guys who get hear early, buy the shirts, cheer us on and let us know when we’ve fucked up, you’re the guys that keep us going. And I’m one of you, right? I want this company to succeed as much as you do. We’re building our own damn playground here brick by brick. And that’s why this event I’m gonna sit my fat arse down in the front row of that event and whoop, jeer and holler like all you kids do. [A fan shouts "What about O’Reilly?"] DL: What about him? He’s wrestling. I’m not in the business of running down that aisle like some pillock with a point to prove. O’Reilly’s wrestling Heat, the best man’s gonna win. But if, I don’t know, some other party decides to chance their arm in there... well, let me just say that Delaney can give those kendo stick midgets the night off. Health and safety reasons, y’know? Sorry: yins know? Did I do that right? Anyway: I gotta get back to that BBQ man, I wanna see what a 'superdog' is. You all enjoy the show. [And with that he was back into the crowd, mustard stains around his mouth. The fans disperse a bit, but only because its about _THAT_ time... especially as "Children of the Grave" roars its way thru the DERP PA system. The fans pile into the arena, and immediately get to their feet, knowing... just knowing their hardcore hero... the Suburban Abomination... the one and the only... RYAN FUCKING DELANEY is on his way to the ring! And that he is! He pauses at the top of the ramp way, gathering in the impressive gathering in front of him for a Wednesday night. He then makes his way to the ring, taking time to make sure he slaps as many fans hands as he can. Shit, he even stops and takes a few pictures and even signs a few autographs! What a nice owner we have! And before getting into the ring, he even accepts a gift from the crowd... a beer!] DELANEY: Well... Well... _WELLLLLLL_.... Here we are again, DERP haus show number _THRRREEEEEE__!!!! [WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (just case Murphy reads this: HI MUPRHY!)] DELANEY: Tonight, we have for you another stellar show, from top to bottom! We got the DERP debut of _KIAN KONGA_... We got the DERP debut of _BATEMAN_! And, shit... we even have the DERP Steel City Tag titles up for grabs!!! [Delaney pauses, as the crowd explodes...] COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP. CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP. CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP. CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP. CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP. CLAP,CLAP,CLAP DELANEY: Yes, yes... I know.. Those barnyard freaks... Those BSCW legends... ARE NOW INTERWINED WITH THE HISTORY OF DERP _FOREVER_! [CROWD ROARS!] DELANEY: And, I know... I know it must have rubbed some of you wrong that it seemed like I just... _handed_ those two the titles. I know I should have gone the traditional route and announced my plans before hand... BUT I DON'T LIKE FOLLOWING FUCKING TRADITON! [WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] DELANEY: I like doing things _MY FUCKING WAY_. And part of that... IS DECLARING THAT FRIDAYS HOUSE SHOW WILL BE...... FUCKING _FREEEEEEEEEEEE_!!!! [OVER THE TOP WE LOVE FREE POP!] DELANEY: Yes, I know... I am just _THAT_ awesome! But honestly, it's outta respect for you the FANS! First off, I don't wanna rob yins blind like boxing does by selling tickets at outrageous prices for a thirty second fight. That battle royal Friday could last ten minutes, or it could on for _HOURS_! [WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!] DELANEY: But, secondly, and I think more important in my eyes... I want as many of you as possible to come out here, support these guys, and watch us crown our first ever singles champions! [The crowd agrees! They wanna see it too!] DELANEY: Thus, get on yer face book... Send out your tweets... Spread the word of how amazing DERP is until your face turns blue! _EVERYONE_ is welcome on Friday night!!! [Delaney pauses, as the fans continue to go wild!] DELANEY: So now that I've plugged tonight's card _AND_ Friday's _FREE_ show... I will turn to the real matters at hand. What I'm going to do now is try to reach my hand across the aisle like those bastards in Congress need to do... [FUCK CONGRESS POP!!!!] DELANEY: ... and try to do something for the betterment of DERP! So, if you would please... _NERD POWER COLLECTIVE_..... COME ON DOWWWWNNNNN!!!!! ["Final Boss" by MC Frontalot hits the PA system as the NERD POWER COLLECTIVE part the curtains! The fans begin to go wild, standing proud behind the duo! In fact, there are many blue NPC shirts in the crowd, all who of wearing seem to be chanting "N-P-C!" as the two make their way down to the ring.] DELANEY: Before I get to anything, I want to start by saying this... Fellas... Yinz guys are friggin' _AWESOME_!!! [CROWD ENTHUSIASTICALLY AGREES!] DELANEY You two are some of the most charismatic wrestlers I've ever come across! But try as you might... Despite having some testicular fortitude that make people like _JOSHUA BLACK_ jealous..... You can't pick up the almighty victory. You just keep falling short. So, fellas... I bring to you your opponents this evening... They are as green as can be! They are some of the freshest DART~! students I got working! [Delaney gives NPC a reassuring look.] DELANEY: Straight from the streets of Milvale, right across the 40th street bridge... here is........ THE MERRRRY PRAAANNKKKKSSSSTTTEEERRSSS!!!! ["Bike" by Pink Floyd hits the PA, as two long hair hippie twenty year old appear at the top of the entrance way. Both are wearing blue jean shorts, with back wrestling boots, but the one has a red and white tie dye on, while the other has a black and blue tie dye on. And one's hairs blonde, the other's black! The pause, look at each other, laugh and.. stick our their arms and pretend to be airplanes as they charge the ring!?!?! They're even making propeller noises as they one runs up the steel steps, and the other dives head first into the ring. They finally come to rest, right next to Delaney, as the crowd has fallen silent, into quite amused by these two.] DELANEY: Player One, Player Two... MEET CAPTAIN TRIPS AND REDDY KILLOWATT! [He points to the black and blue tie dye, as he drops the mic and exits the ring, signaling for the bell. Delaney remains at ringside, though, keeping a close eye on this one.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | OPENING MATCH | | | | NERD POWER COLLECTIVE | | vs | | THE MERRY PRANKSTERS | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Player One stands in the middle of the ring, in a fighting pose, as Captain Trips approaches, hands behind his back. He stops right in front of Player One, and smiles, and then waves. Player One looks at Trips unsure of what to do.... AND SWINGS AWAY! He gets nothing but air as the Captain slides to the right. Player One swings again, and the Captain goes left! Player one swings yet again... AND THE CAPTAIN GOES UDNERNEATH PLAYER ONE'S LEGS! Player One turns around.. Thumb to the eye, kick to the groin... DDT!!! Trips with the cover! 1... KICKOUT! Player One rolls over, as Delaney slaps the mat, trying to help motivate the NPC. Captain Trips pulls Player One and whips him into the Pranksters corner. Trips tags in his partner, Reddy Kilowatt, but decides to first help place Player One on the top rope... Both the Pranksters hook an arm... DOUBLE SUPERPLEX!!! The crowd groans on impact! Reddy goes for the cover, but Player Two rushes into the ring. Reddy stands up, as Player Two cock his arm... and holds it.. and holds it... as if he's unable to pull the trigger... and Reddy just laughs, as he hits Player Two with a nasty right hook, and then a left! Player Two falls back into the ropes, as Reddy hits a clothesline sending him outta the ring! Captain Trips applauds, as he gives a few boots to Player One before exiting the ring... only to come back in with a table! He doesn't bother to set it up, though. He helps Reddy pull Player one to his feet, and whip him into the ropes... DOUBLE HIPTOSS ONTO THE TABLE!!! Reddy hooks the leg... 1... PLAYER TWO CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE! 2... HE LEAPS!! REDDY MOVES -- PLAYER TWO WITH A LEGDROP ON PLAYER ONE!!! [NOOOOOOOOO! SCREAMS THE CROWD!] Delaney looks obviously not pleased at ringside, as the Pranksters get to their feet, obviously thrilled with their try out match. They give each of the NPC a few boots, as the ref tries to regain some control, but just gets pushed out of the way. They roll the NPC off the table, so the Pranksters can sit it up in the middle of the ring. With a right hand, Captain lays Player One out on the table as Reddy pulls Player Two to the corner. With Player One in position, Captain joins in... setting up Player Two for a... SUPERBOMB!!! THROUGH THE TABLE!!! ON PLAYER ONE!!!!!! [HUGE THAT WAS COOL BUT FUCK YOU HEEL POP!] Delaney looks besides himself as the NPC lay in ruins in the middle of the ring, pieces of table all around. The Pranksters go for the pin, Reddy on Player Two, Captain on Player One... 1... 2...... DOUBLE KICK OUT!!! [MASSSIVE FACE POP] The Merry Pranksters just exchange glances, totally unsure of what to do with these nerds. The fans again just show their love for the nerds, as with Delaney's assistance the begin to chant... LET'S GO NERDS! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO NERDS! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO NERDS! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO NERDS! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO NERDS! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP With the Player One and Two barely moving, Captain and Reddy both slide out the ring on either side of the ring, and begin the search for something... fun. Captain finds himself a mop and old school metal bucket. Reddy gets himself a trash can. The Pranksters slide into the ring with their weapons. The Nerd Power Collective has gotten back to a standing position. The Pranksters charge in,.. the Nerds duck.... BUT GET CAUGHT ON THE REBOUND!!! Reddy denting the trash can over Player Two's head, as the Captain slams the bucket down on Player One's head!!!! And they're not done yet!!! Captain Trips swings that mop... AND BREAKS IT OVER THE BUCKET! Player One drops to the mat! Reddy shoves the can over Player Two's head... AND DROPKICKS IT INTO THE CORNER!!! Player Two drops to the mat! But the fan's haven't given up hope! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! POW-ER UP! The Pranksters just shake their head, each making a pin attempt on the NPC... 1... 2...... DOUBLE SHOUDLER UP!!! [HUGELY RIDICULOUS FACE POP!] Somehow they got they shoulder up! Delaney is so ecstatic... he slides a table into the ring.. AND GETS INTO THE RING HIMSELF!! He even has that barbwire bat in his hand!!! The Pranksters walk over soon as Delaney gets upright, and the two just exchange words. But they don't seem heated at all! In fact, the Pranksters go and set up the table Delaney brought in. They get it set up, and... DELANEY TAKES A SWING!!! Across the back with the bat, Reddy begins to squirm! Captain Trips tries to take a swing, Delaney ducks it... and catches him in him the gut!! He drops the bat, and hooks Trips with a fireman's carry... CAVE OF KOSHTRA!!! The crowd goes wild! DERP! DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! Reddy comes over and Delaney gives him a shot to the gut and lifts him up... CAVES OF KOSHTRA FOR THE SECOND TIME!!!! The crowd explodes again, as Delaney immediately goes and begins to stir Player One and Player Two. The nerds begin to get to their feet, as Delaney gives the Pranksters a few kicks before... PUTTING THEM BOTH ON THE TABLE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! He gives each Prankster one more bat shot, before finishing helping Player One to the top rope, as the crowd roars... But Player One is calling for something form Player two, who is now outside the ring! Player Two hears the call, and throws Player One the GIANT X FANTASY BUSTER SWORD!!! That things giant and looks deadly!! Player One tries to catch it... but it weights fifteen pounds.... PLAYER ONE FALLS OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! Neither Player Two or Delaney can believe it!!! Delaney motions for Player Two to get into the ring, and get to the top rope. The DERP Owner gives the Pranksters a few more bat shots, trying to keep them at bay as Player Two, shaking like a little dog makes his way to the top rope, very gingerly. Finally perched, he stands up........ AND FAINTS!!!!! he falls face first into the ring mat!!! [HORRIFIC NOOOOOOOO! HEEEL POP!] Delaney just shakes his head, and tries calling out to Player One, and then works back to Player Two. But neither men are moving! and now the Pranksters are stirring! The roll of the table, and get to their feet. Delaney threatens with the bat, and they just smile as they roll Player Two onto the table as Reddy climbs up with him! Reddy pulls him to his feet, so both men are standing... but now for long... knee to the gut, as Reddy lifts him up into the.. PILEDRIVER!!! PILEDRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Reddy hooks the leg, as Captain Trips just smiles devilishly right at Delaney! 1... 2... 3!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: the Merry Pranksters | | | | | | FINISH: Piledriver thru a table | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Delaney looks quite frustrated at ringside, as he goes over to check on Player One, as the medics attend to Player two. "Bike" hits the PA, as the Merry Pranksters make their way to the back. Most fans booing since they feel so bad for NPC, but a few are slapping them fives, giving them some props. As the Nerd Power Collective is helped to the back, the DERP projectors fire up... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [Scene: In front of the DERP backdrop stands the masked man known as Foodstamp. Next to him, is the quasi-gelatinous, rotund figure that is Twinkletoes Twilliger. Twinkletoes is flexing and stretching his arms while his feet are fidgety. Twinkie seems to be in an excited state as he can't seem to keep still. Next to Twinkie is the elderly Asian Elvis impersonator, known as Elbitz] Foodstamp (FS): Yo Derpers its me, your favorite interviewer that is not in the prison system or insane asylum but really should be, Foodstamp. Right now I have the um, privilege of talking to ¨The King of The Cruiserweights¨ Twinkletoes Twilliger. So Twinkletoes, on the heels of your victory over fellow cruiserweight Mikey Ripdeck you now face the debuting ¨Nihilist War Mongrel¨ Kian Konga. What are your thoughts about this match up, dude? Twinkletoes Twilliger (TT): I? sorry Mister Foodstamp, but i cant hear you over all the noise in the building. I could answer whatever you question was when all my twinkies stop chanting Twinkie Power, Twinkie Power, Twinkie Power, TWINKIE POWER!!! (Twinkie flexes what pass for muscles) FS: Huh? Sure why the hell not, lets wait for the noise to die down, and the building to stop shaking as all your little Twinkies finish expressing their um love for you. *Mutters underneath his breath* I need more drugs to deal with this guy. Elbitz: Fluff whore south, you slug sprout leak!(waves fist as Foodstamp) [Foodstamp is not sure whether to punch out or laugh in the little old guys face] FS : Uh, what he say? TT: He said how dare you call Ripdeck a cruiser-weight, given his weight issues. Just look at me and look at him, and you'll be able to tell what a cruiser- weight is supposed to look like. My match with him will be remembered as a classic for the ages. Despite the lack of skill and mobility from that cheating bully behemoth, I was able to put on a match of pure wrestling that the fans will never stop talking about! FS: He said all that? TT: Sure he did, are you deaf or something? [Foodstamp gives Twinkletoes a look of puzzlement and disbelief, but decides to humor the large man and continue with the interview] FS: Yeah i must be, to have missed all of that. Any who after that ¨classic match¨ you had with Ripdeck what have you in store for that Konga Dude? He looks and sounds kinda crazy. TT:Well I've heard lots of things about this Nihilist War Mongrel. He is crazy, he is mean, and he hurts people and likes it. Well you might see a Nihilist War Mongrel but I see a little nilly willy war puppy! Others might be afraid of this guy, but not me. Sure he's big and nasty but i have been in the ring with big and nasty guys before and i always beat the odds, just ask Ripdeck. I am not afraid of this little puppy, and I am not nervous about this match. In fact I? excited about this match. I've been waiting for this match since I heard about it. I know the fans are excited about this match. They cant wait for this match and neither can I. Everybody wants to see me step in the ring and watch me spank the puppy! I will spank the puppy with pride in front of all my fans. Elbitz confessed to me that he would like to spank the puppy but he just cant. So for all those who would like to spank the puppy but cant, this match is for you! I am so pumped right now, the only thing i need now is a song to motivate me. Elbitz, sing me a song I can spank the puppy to. [Elbitz raises his megaphone to his mouth and begins to sing the following indecipherable lyrics.] Elbitz: Jew taint nutty butter hand job, Climbing up a vine, Jew Taint nutty butter hand job Shining up a dime Well you never use umbrella And your girls breath smell like pine TT: I am so ready now, Twinkie Power!!!! [Elbitz continues singing as he and Twinkletoes ¨dance¨ out of frame. Foodstamp watches them leave and then looks directly into the camera.] Foodstamp: Delaney, its your choice, more money or more drugs. I ain´t listening to those idiots again unless I'm stoned out of my fucking gourd! But I dun think it gets any better folks, because now... I gotta introduce you, the DERP faithful, to... BATMAN!!!!! [Pause.] Foodstamp: Wait, no... That’s the superhero from that damn movie causing all these traffic problems! [Foodstamp pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.] Foodstamp: Here it is... BATEMAN! Yes, his name is... BATEMAN!! [The camera opens to show Bateman wearing a DERP shirt with Fletcher standing next to his left, both staring at daggers at Foodstamp.] Foodstamp: So... You... Um... related to Batman? [Bateman and Fletcher eyes fill with more anger at Foodstamp. Until Fletcher steps in between Foodstamp and Bateman and grabs the microphone.] Fletcher: Ok, we didn't come all the way here from Texas to answer questions from a nut job! Bateman is here to compete with the craziest fighters and wrestlers in Pittsburgh! And in just a few days when DERP presents this Fans Bring The Weapons Battle Royal its not about the gold! NO, its about Bateman getting in that ring and making sure everyone here knows who they are messing with! The man who will...... [Fletcher is interrupted by someone running into him and almost knocking him over. Bateman jumps at the guy but Fletcher grabs him before anything happens. Fletcher now facing the guy who ran into him. The fans pop in the arena as it’s the dancing freak... THE BLUE WEANIE!!!] Fletcher: I think someone just volunteered to be the first man to get in ring with Bateman! The Blue Weenie: What? In the ring? Sure, ’Ill dance with you in the ring!! [Bateman pats him on the shoulder, as he walks away.] Bateman: Yea.... DANCING... See you out there... FREAK! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* And Bateman's keep on walking, right out to the ring, with "Reborn From Isolation" by Bleeding Through starts playing and the lights dim down. Bateman, with a black towel covering his head, walks out from the back. He doesn't waste time interacting with the fans just a brisk walk straight to the ring, followed by Fletcher. Bateman slides in under the bottom rope, walks to the far side of the ring and pulls the towel off his head and throws it to Fletcher, and then leans against the ropes as the Blue Weenie comes out to "Dancing Queen" by ABBA, dancing his entire way to the ring! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | DERP DEBUT!!! | | | | BATEMAN | | vs | | THE BLUE WEENIE | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Bateman walks into the center of the ring, going for a test of strength. Blue Weenie walks up, cautiously, going to lock up... but pulling away. Going to lock up... but pulling away Pretty much playing games, as he adds insult to injury by jestering to the ground ... AND STARTS DANCING!!! The crowd begins to chuckle as Blue Weenie does the cabbage patch... But Bateman's had enough, he smacks him with a nasty right, and then another! the Blue Weenie gets backed into the ropes, Bateman whips him across the ring... Bateman takes him down with a knee lift! Weenie slowly gets back to his feet, as Bateman gets up and moves behind Weenie... BACK BRAIN AXE KICK! Weenie drops right to the mat. Bateman backs up, and takes a few running steps... BASEBALL SLIDE DROPKICK! Weenie rolls right outside the ring, as Bateman gets to his feet. He goes over and grabs the towel he brought with him to the ring. He begins to wipe the little bit of sweat of his brow (damn DERP's poor functioning AC), as he rolls out of the ring, moving over towards the Weenie. When he gets there, Weenie is almost to his knees, but Bateman just moves behind... AND BEGINS TO CHOKE HIM WITH THE TOWEL!!! He just squeezes the life out of the Weenie, as Bateman pulls him to his feet. he then, using the towel, snap mare takeover the Weenie!!! And he goes it again.. AND A THIRD TIME BEFORE LETTING GO!!! As Weenie struggles to breath, Bateman pulls him to his feet, and leans up against the apron he goes running up the steel ring steps... FLYING CALF KICK!!! Weenie goes right back down to the mat, but not for long, as Bateman rolls him into the ring. He goes for the cover... 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP! Bateman just shakes his head, again pulling the Weenie to his feet. He pushes him over to the corner, and hops through the ropes, entangling the Weenie in a... OCTUPUS STRETCH! OCTOUPS STRETCH! And this move is legal in DERP!?!?! The ref checks for the submission! Weenie just screams in pain, as Bateman squeezes as hard as he can.... ...but he has to break the hold, unable to maintain with the blood flowing to his brain! Weenie collapses to the ring mat, as Bateman climbs back in and again goes for the pin... 1... 2...... FOOT ON THE ROPES!! [WE STILL BELIEVE IN YOU WEENIE FACE POP!] Not discouraged, Bateman pulls Weenie to his feet again... ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN! Weenie clumsily gets to his feet... ANOTHER ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN! Weenie again gets to his feet, totally out of it as Bateman slides behind... DOUBLE UNDERHOOK BELYL TO BACK SUPLEX!!! Weenie hits the mat with a thud... but Bateman's not done! He rolls it over into.. THE CUTTERLOCK!!! A bridging double chickenwing!!! Weenie just screams in pain! He just screams and screams and screams! AND IT DOESN"T TAKE LONG!!! The Blue Weenie taps!!!!! Bateman just destroying his DART~! counterpart! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Bateman | | | | | | FINISH: The Cutterlock | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Very quick victory there for Bateman! He didn't' screw around one bit, and while the fans are not completely sold yet, they did give him a round of applause as left the ringside area! But, I do note.. that once the Blue weenie collected himself, and danced his way to the back... he got just as loud of applause! And to fill the void between matches for the DEPR audience, dem projectors fire up once again... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [The scene opens to a fuming yet still fabulous Ikuto Nagashima. The Tokyo Bad Boy is clad in a gold, fur vest and a multi-colored kilt, completing the look with black, leather boots. The handsome, young man sneers as he rounds a corner, catching sight of Bullzeye.] Ikuto: You! [Bullzeye turns and Ikuto stomps over, his brown eyes flashing with anger.] Ikuto: We need to talk. Now, I don’t know the first thing about you, other than your weird spelled name. But it’s important that we see eye to eye because, I plan to murder that old bitch, Beauty, tonight! [At the mention of Beauty’s name, Ikuto’s scowl deepens.] Ikuto: Nobody upstages me, especially some drop-shot has been! He needs to learn what happens when you attempt to fuck with those that are superior to him! But in order for that to happen, I need a partner tonight. A _real_ partner and not another deadbeat like that dirty bum O’Reily! [He folds his arms across his chest.] Ikuto: So, can I count on you to keep the demented, clown freak distracted long enough for me to beat Beauty’s ass into a long-deserved retirement? [Bullzeye like The Tokyo Bad Boy is also dressed in his ring attire ready for battle. Bullzeye looks at Ikuto and his gold, fur vest and a multi-colored kilt perplexed at what his partner is wearing.] Bullzeye: Can I keep the circus freak down? [Bullzeye smirks...] Bullzeye: Of course I can!!! Didn't you see what I did to the court jester of DERP last week with the ladder. He was not a happy clown after he found out that he didn't scare me. I am not some scared little six year old little boy who wets his bed whenever he hears the word or sees a clown. [Bullzeye pauses a few seconds and is still staring at Ikuto ring attire as he continues to speak.] Bullzeye: A better question to ask yourself would be how are you gonna repay Ric for upstaging you? [At the question, a look of pure hatred crosses Ikuto’s handsome face. He grits his teeth, eyes narrowed in contempt.] Ikuto: Don’t you worry, Bullzeye. I have very special plans for Ric Beauty. When I get done, making him pay for attacking me and costing me yet another match, he will _beg_ to leave DERP! I’m pleased to see that I will be able to count on you, unlike that other asshole. So, we are in agreement. [smirks] You get the clown. And I get the old bag. Bullzeye: Works for me, partner. I just want to make sure you are going to make Ric suffer for his cowardliness. People like him think they can do no wrong and need to be punished for their actions. They need to _suffer_ ... They need to _bleed_ ... They need to BEG for MERCY!!! [Bullzeye finally stops looking at his partner ring attire and stares at him right in his eye as he continues to speak.] Bullzeye: I won't drop the ball like O'Reilly did last week, Ikuto. After we are done with the old man and make-up boy, who knows maybe Delaney will give us the next shot at Chicken and Cow tag team titles! [A fiendish smirk moves its way across Ikuto’s lips.] Ikuto: Perhaps. You've already shown yourself to be one of the few people in this hellhole with half a brain. Anyway, I’ d better get ready. Bullzeye: I am glad we had this talk and see eye to eye. See you out there tonight, partner! [Bullzeye and Ikuto then nod at one another and head down the hallway...] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* For being a random pairing, Ikuto and Bullzeye seem to be getting along well! Perhaps Delaney is a match maker on the side! The two make their way out to the ringside area, with Nagashima first coming out with "SexyBack" by Justin Timberblake blaring... and then quickly (thankfully) "Little Crazy" by Fight hits the PA as Bullzeye makes his way out. The two exchange nods and make their way to the ring. Then "O Fortuna" by Carl Orff fills the arena as Ric Beauty steps out from behind the curtain. He surveys the crowd and soaks in their applause. He pauses, as suddenly the clattering, shrieking instrumentals and mumbling incomprehensible beginning of "Gift of a Knife" by CINdYTALK blasts over the PA system... marking the entrance of Marime the Mischievous! With his partner at his side, the two make their way to the ring, each taking a side of the aisle to slap the fans hands. They hit the ring, and get ready for the match, as the ref does to ring the bell... but Ric Beauty stops the ref and asks for a mic. The referee shrugs and lets him have the floor] RIC BEAUTY: I just wanted to get something out of the way, before we get this started. I know all these fans are ready to see the four of us beat the hell outta each other, so I won't take up to much time. This won't be like a Bullzeye story about his grade school teacher. [Ric laughs at his little joke, Bullzeye does not seem to find it as funny, Ric then turns to Ikuto] RIC BEAUTY: Ikuto, you and I have been going at each other since DERP started and each time you open your mouth you talk about one thing. [Ric turns from Ikuto to the crowd] Ladies and gentlemen, you are not going to believe this... [Ric drops his head] I am old. Yes, yes I am. I didn't realize it until Ikuto pointed it out for the one hundredth time. Let me begin the chant, if I may. Ric's an old fuck! [Ric then does the CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!] Ric's an old fuck! [Ric then does the CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!] Ric's an old fuck! [Ric then does the CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!] [Now the audience takes over the chant while Ric leads them... he then turns to Iktuo] When you look in the mirror tomorrow, all those bruises and stitches, will be compliments of [Ric points to the crowd, and about half get it and shout out OLD FUCK!] this OLD FUCK!!!! [Ric then tosses Ikuto the mic, as the fans continue...] RICS AN OLD FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP RICS AN OLD FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP RICS AN OLD FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP RICS AN OLD FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | RANDOM TAG TEAM INSANITY! | | | | MARIME THE MISCHEVIOUS | | RIC BEAUTY | | vs | | BULLZEYE | | "TOYKO BAD BOY" IKUTO NAGASHIMA | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* All four men stand in the ring, each team in their respective corners. The stare down is _ON_, as Beauty and Nagashima shoot daggers at each other, as does Marime and Bullzeye. Then, Bullzeye and Ikuto break their stare, look at each other, and nod?!?! Instantly, they both drop to the mat and roll out of the ring! They each grab a CHAIR and roll back in!!! Beauty and Marime instantly roll out of the ring... AND GRAB CHAIRS OF THEIR OWN!!! They get back into the ring, as the ref is driving himself insane trying gain control of a match he never had control of to begin with! The fans are ROARING, as the four men approach each other!!! Bullzeye and Marime swing, CLANK! Ikuto and Beauty swing, CLANK! They all swing again, CLANK! Bullzeye now swings at Beauty, CLANK! Marime at Ikuto, CLANK! All four men just keep dueling with the chairs, now one seemingly getting the upper hand... UNTIL IKUTO AND BULLZYEE GET TIRED OF THE GAME! The both fake chair shots, and instead drop the chairs, going for a kick in the gut followed by... STEREO DDTS!!! The crowd roars with approval of the violence, but quickly turn to jeers as Bullzeye takes his place on the apron, as Ikuto begins to gloat around the ring. But he doesn't gloat for long, choosing to drop a couple quick knees right to Ric's back. Marime gets to his corner, and the ref seems pleased with himself, as he turns back to the action, having to check on Beauty as Ikuto now has a a STF locked on! Beauty grunts and gruffs in pain, but shows no sign of submitting! Ikuto wrenches back even harder, but Beauty just grits his teeth and keeps trying to army crawl to the ropes! The crowd instantly turns to jeers, as Bullzeye takes it upon himself to... SLINGHOT HIMSELF OVER THE ROPES FOR A DROPKICK!!! It effectively breaks the hold, and damn near breaks Beauty's nose! Ikuto, smiling ear to ear, goes for the pin as Bullzeye charges Marime, but Marime just pulls down he rope, and sends Bullzeye up and over! 1... MARIME WITH A CANNONBALL SPLAHS ON BULLZEYE!!! 2...... SHOULDER UP!!! Beauty gets the shoulder up, as Bullzeye and Marime are both laid out on the outside, trying to gather themselves. Ikuto pulls Beauty off the mat, and whips him into the ropes. Beauty comes back, going for a clothesline, but Ikuto drops down. Beauty bounces off the ropes again, but Ikuto telegraphs the back body drop! Beauty with a stiff kick to the chops, and drops him with a DDT of his own! He quickly hops to the second turnbuckle... FIST DROP TO THE FOREHEAD!!! On the outside, both men are stirring, as Bullzeye grabs Marime and goes to whip him into the guardrail... But Marime reverses, sending Bullzeye hard into the steel! Marime charges... and hits Bullzeye with a leaping knee! Bullzeye is rocked, as Marime takes a few seconds to catch his breath, and then hooks Bullzeye for a suplex.... AND DROPS HIM GUT FIRST THE GUARDRAIL!!! Back in the ring, Beauty gives Ikuto a few stiff kicks, as Ikuto rolls into the corner. Beauty approaches.. and catches a kick from Ikuto! Ikuto pulls himself to his feet with the ropes quickly, and catches Beauty with a forearm shot, and then hooks him for a belly to belly to suplex! He quickly runs to the ropes, climbs to the top, with a smile turns around.... SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT!!! He hooks the leg! 1... 2... KICK OUT! The crowd roars as Beauty still has some fight left in him! Ikuto gets in the refs face, asking him if he's slow. On the outside, Marime has got himself a chair, and connects with Bullzeye's head, knocking him off the guardrail into the crowd! Marime leaps to the guardrail, turns around and leaps off... MOONSAULT ONTO BULLZEYE IN THE CROWD!!! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! Back in the ring, Ikuto pulls Beauty to his knee.. and Beauty starts firing shots to Ikuto's midsection! Ikuto responds with over head smashes, drilling Beauty back into LaLa land. He then backs up, runs... DROPKICK TO BEAUTY'S CHIN! Ikuto goes for another pin attempt! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP! Crowd roars again with approval as Beauty throws the shoulder up! again Ikuto gets into the face of the referee, this time way more verbal as he backs him right up into the corner. Beauty quickly scampers to his feet.. AND HE ROLLS IKUTO UP! 1... 2...... KICK OUT!! Ikuto gets to his feet irate... as BEAUTY TAKES HIM OUT WITH A CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! Both men lay on the mat, groggy and dazed, as the action continues in the crowd. Marime was the first to his feet, pulling himself into a fan's chair! From there, he starts throwing chairs at Bullzeye!!! He even eggs the fans to join in!!! All of the sudden pretty much the entire section of fans have thrown their chairs at Bullzeye! The DERP rookie has been buried until a pile of steel as the fans just roar with delight! FUCK YOU, BULLZ-EYE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU, BULLZ-EYE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU, BULLZ-EYE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU, BULLZ-EYE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU, BULLZ-EYE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP In the ring, both men have made their way to the corner, and pulled himself to their feet. They take a few steps and meet into the middle, just engaging verbal insults, one right after another. And then.. THEN THEY START TRADING SHOTS! One right after another! Rights, lefts! Jabs, hooks, uppercuts! Beauty and Ikuto are just laying into each other! The flurry just continues for seconds turning into minutes! Both men are growing tired and more wobbly! The punches are slowing down, but they're still swinging... UNTIL IKUTO GOES DOWNSTAIRS!!! Low blow by Ikuto!!! He then hooks himself in a side headlock!?!? NOOO! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!!! And "the Tokyo Bad Boy" bridges for the pin! 1... 2... KICKOUT!!! The crowd is on their feet, so proud their hero "The 24 Hour Man" Ric Beauty still has some fight left in him! They really try to get behind one of their favorites! HERE WE GO, BEAUTY, HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, BEAUTY, HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, BEAUTY, HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, BEAUTY, HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, BEAUTY, HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP Ikuto is first mad at the ref, and then stomps around the ring, screaming at the fans to shut their mouths, Beauty's relic and soon to be worthless antique! The pay no attention, either by chanting, or watching Bullzeye crawl out of the pile of chairs. With uncontrollable laughter, Marime rises to his feet, runs over to Bullzeye... SOMERSAULT LEGDROP!!! Marime then grabs one of the near by chairs, holds it on his chest... STANDING MOONSAULT WITH THE CHAIR!!! The crowd shows their approval, as Marime rolls off Bullzeye, hurting almost as much.... almost. Still talking trash to the crowd, Ikuto lands a kick on Beauty, each time screaming to one of the fans at ring side, namely the guy in the cowboy hat who is shout incredibly racist comments at "the Tokyo Bad Boy". Ikuto doesn't seem phased, as instead of punches now... He grabs a chair, and starts swinging that around, connecting with shot after shot on Beauty! The fans continue to jeer, and Ikuto continues to yell back! Beauty begins to stir, getting to his knees... Beauty takes a chair shot, but doesn't fall to the mat! With a primal scream, he pulls himself wobbly to his feet. Ikuto doesn't look happy, and swings again! THHHUDDDD! He connects... But Beauty doesn't budge! He wobbles a bit, blood can be seen on his forehead finally, but he doesn't go down! Ikuto goes to swing again... BUT BEAUTY GRABS THE CHAIR!!! THUDDDDD!!!! Ikuto's cranium meets steel! He wobbles back a few steps! THHHUDDDDDD!!! The steel chair says hello again!!! Ikuto wobbles again, as Beauty approaches! He holds the chair in hold on behind Ikuto's back, reaches 'tween Ikuto's leg to grab the other end...... BODYSLAM ON THE STEEL CHAIR!!!! Can Beauty capitalize??? The crowd lets Beauty know he's gotta make the pin..... HE DOES!!!!!! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!!! [BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!] The crowd is not happy at all! Beaten and bloody, they so hoped Ric finally got his taste of victory in DERP! Back in the crowd, near the set of bleachers fans are slowly gather too, both Bullzeye and Marime have risen to their feet. Marime approaches, but Bullzeye grabs a near by trash can and whips it at Marime! The clown ducks the can, but not the kick to the midsection... AND THE JUMPING DDT BY BULLZEYE! Bullzeye slowly gets to his feet, and pulls Marime with him. He whips him into the bleacher steps! Marime hits them hard as Bullzeye follows... SPLASH ONTO MARIME! Bullzeye smushing him ever worse against the bleacher steps! But Bullzeye isn't done... He pulls Marime to his feet, and hooks for him a suplex... MARIME BLOCKS IT!!! Bullzeye tries again... AND MARIME BLOCKS IT AGAIN! Now Marime tries for a suplex... Bullzeye blocks it! Marime goes... NO!!! HE DROPS WITH A JAW BREAKER!!! And then follows with a soccer style head butt right to Bullzeye's face, both men are down again! Back in the ring, Beauty sets up a chair in the center of the ring. He pulls Ikuto to his feet, and whips him in to he ropes. Beauty looks for a drop toe hold, but Ikuto hops over it, but doesn't stop running! He this the chair, leaps off it to the top rope, and springboards back.. WITH A CROSS BODY!!!! But Beauty catches him.... BODYSLAM ONTO THE SETUP CHAIR!!! It crumbles on impact, as Beauty again makes the cover! 1... 2...... KICKOUT!!! Again, the crowd displays how badly they want Beauty to pick up this victory! And perhaps Beauty knows how badly he needs it because now he's switching up tactics... LOCKKING IKUTO UP IN A FIGURE FOUR -- THE BEAUTY BREAKER!!! Beauty is sitting up, doing as much as he can to torque Ikuto's legs! He even swings, connecting with a few punches... Ikuto's shoulders go flat, the ref counts! 1.... SHOULDER UP! Ikuto reaches for the ropes, which sit a few feet out of reach! He tries so hard to reach... but can't! He then switches strategy, trying to turn the hold over! He leans, throwing all of his weight into it! he tries so hard... so hard..... so very, very hard.... BUT GETS NO WHERE! Beauty turns him right back, and gives him a few more rights for his efforts! Again Ikuto's back goes flat! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP! The crowd doesn't seem to mind, totally loving seeing Ikuto in so much pain, as he continues to try and break the hold, biting his lip to keep from tapping out! Back in the crowd, both Bullzeye and Marime are stirring. Bullzeye is first to his feet, and just tosses Marime back off the bleachers to the concrete floor. He then stands a few rows up, and leaps... DIVING LEG DROP!!! Bullzeye owes in pain, as that prob hurt his tailbone as much as it did Marime! Back in the ring, again Ikuto has almost got it turned over again.. he keeps trying... and trying..... But Beauty turns him right back over! BUT IKUTO USES THE MOMENTUM TO HIS ADVTANGE! He goes with it, and turns Beauty right on over, effectively breaking the hold!!! Ikuto crawls away, clutching his legs, as Beauty gets to his feet with the roar of the crowd behind him! Bullzeye pulls Marime to his feet, only to start pushing the crazy clown towards the ring. Marime doesn't go willing, giving Bullzeye elbow shots as he makes his way to the guardrail. Bullzeye goes to throw Marime over, but the clown reverses, slamming Bullzeye head off the steel! He then spins around, hitting a forward fist, back fist, forward fist and spin kick -- THE DANCE OF KNIVES!!! Bullzeye flops onto the guardrail, dazed... Marime hops onto his shoulders.... HURRICANARANA!!! Marime flips Bullzeye right back into the crowd, much to the delight of the DERP faithful! CLOWNS ARE COOL, AND NOT SCARY! CLOWNS ARE COOL, AND NOT SCARY! CLOWNS ARE COOL, AND NOT SCARY! CLOWNS ARE COOL, AND NOT SCARY! In the ring, Beauty gives Ikuto a few knee shots, before pulling him out of the corner, hooking him with a vertical suplex! He bounces off the ropes, and drops a knee right to Ikuto's forehead... BEFORE POINTING TOWARDS THE TOP ROPE! Beauty climbs, slowly, blood dripping off his nose. He gets to the top, poses for just a quick second... and leaps... GOING FOR THE BEAUTY BOMB... AND MISSESS!!! The top rope leg drop backfires!!! Beauty in severe pain, as Ikuto pops to his feet! He bounces off the ropes... SHINING ENZURGI!! He calls that MODEL BEHAVIOR! The crowd roars with displeasure, as now Ikuto gets to the top rope! he wastes no time, leaping... TOP ROPE MOONSAULT ELBOW DROP!!! THE ANGEL OF DEATH DROP!!! The crowd is NOT happy at all as Ikuto hooks the leg! 1... 2...... 3!!!!!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Ikuto Nagashima/Bullzeye | | | | | | FINISH: Angel of Death Drop on Beauty | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Marime and Bullzeye don't even seem to notice, as Marime has a chair in his hand, pummeling Bullzeye... or least trying too, as Bullzeye keeps moving out of the way! Security instantly engulfs the two men as the bell rings!!! Both of them only seem angry they have to stop beating each other up! In the ring, Ikuto gives Beauty a few final words of advice, before rolling out of the ring. Beauty soon follows, absolutely disgusted with himself. The DERP staff and the fans alike spend the next few minutes putting things back in order, as the projectors again fire up... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [O'Reily is standing there, leaning against the wall, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other, not looking trouble or happy, or... pretty much showing emotion. Until...... Ryan FUCKING Delaney walks in from screen left cause the right is wrong. O'Reily doesn't' instantly look flooded with anger, but one can tell he's certainly not thrilled for a one on one discussion with the boss.] DELANEY: So.... Donny.... Gots a suggestion for ya.... [OReily just stares daggers at Delaney.] DELANEY: See, some of da fellas in the back been grumping about yer decisions to purchase alcoholic beverages when you should be making yer way dahn to the ring... OREILY: and.... your point is....? DELANEY: I believe my suggestion can solve _BOTH_ problems... [Delaney pulls out.... AN OFFICIAL DERP COOLER!] DELANEY: See! You can sponsor DERP, bring a sixer dahn to the ring, and still make it dere on time!!! That's like killing three birds with one stone, man! That's epic shit right there! [O'Reily just stares at the cooler.] DELANEY: Okay... I get it you. You're one of dem loner types that don't wanna take help from anyone... Well, see, deep down... I'ma nice guy that tries to not push buttons and force things on people. I try to have respect for my employees and not shove shit dahn dere throats, ya know? BUT... Donny... I am RYAN FUCKING DELANEY.... [Forcefully slams the cooler on O'Reily's chest.] DELANEY: And that means when I say Somethings a suggestion... You better take it or shit'll hit the fan! [Delaney smiles.] DELANEY: Have a good one, Donny! Good luck tonight! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Delaney laying down the law there, but I don't think O'Reily really minds one bit! Now he doesn't have to just bring one beer to the ring, he can bring himself six! The fans contemplate probably something like this as a small feeble Asian man dressed in an Elvis Presley style sequined jumpsuit, missing most of its sequins, and wearing a pompadour style toupee comes down the entranceway with a megaphone in one hand, he climbs through the ring and begins to sing something indecipherable. After he's finishing singing he says something equally indecipherable at that time "Pump Up The Jam" by Technotronic blares over the speakers. 4 of the skinniest women, in the skimpiest skankiest outfits make their way down the aisle. They have pale skins and bags under their eyes. They look more like they want to climb into their own graves then be here. They dance with the technique of a polar bear on roller skates and the enthusiasm of a man about to castrate himself. Behind them follows, the fattest man you will ever see, Twinkletoes Twilliger. He has much more enthusiasm, although has about the same amount of technique. He's dancing and slapping hands of spectators whether they want their hands slapped or not. Eventually Twinkletoes and his entourage make their way to the ring, meeting Kian Konga, "the Nihilist War Mongrel", who was rolled to the ring a cage during the projector presentation. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | DERP NEWCOMERS BATLLE IT OUT | | | | "THE NIHILIST WAR MONGREL" | | KIAN KONGA | | vs | | "KING OF THE CRUISERWEIGHTS" | | TWINKLETOES TWILLIGER | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Twilliger waves to the crowd, getting only jeers as he moves into the center of the ring. He even goes to shake Konga's hand, but Konga... doesn't seem to get it, only staring at "The King of the Cruiserweights"... AND HITS TWINKIE WITH A LEAPING HEADBUTT! Konga continues, stiff jab after stiff jab right to the brow of Twilliger's nose. The big man's backed up against the ropes. Konga walks back a few steps.... DROPKICK! The big man rocks against the ropes and stumbles out a bit. Konga bounces off the ropes behind Twilliger, comes running back... BULLDOG! The big man's finally down and down with a boooooom!!!! Konga stares at the big little man, grunting as he does so, his mind probably plotting violence... ...and that assumptions probably right, as Konga calls to his Caretaker, asking for something. Like they say, ask and yee shall receive... and Konga has received himself a bag of thumbtacks! He spreads them all over the one corner of the ring, as Twinkletoes almost snaps the ropes, using them to pull his massive 500 pound frame upright. Konga turns around, and lays into the big man with stiff jabs, pulling him towards the tacks. Konga walks right into the tacks, despite wearing no footwear and seems to absolutely not pay attention, as he continues to assault Twinkie... who finally just SHOVES Konga back into the corner! Konga comes back out, as Twinkie hits another punch, and another. He backs Konga into the corner, and begins choking him with the rope. The ref steps in, trying to get "the King of the Cruiserweights" to break the choke... and Twinkie obliges, pulling Konga back out of the corner, and over the tacks... Twinkie goes and lifts Konga up for a power bomb.... NO! HURRICANARANNA! Twinkletoes lands hard on those tacks, wiggling and writhing in pain! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! THE BALLOON GOES POP! Konga's caretaker doesn't yell, but sternly suggests in the calmest manner possible to Konga that perhaps it's best to make the cover. With a grunt, the "Nihilist War Mongrel" does!!! 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! Fans have a mixed reaction there, some want Twinkie to lose, some want him to suffer more abuse first! Konga helps Twinkletoes get to his feet, but Twinkie isn't' very appreciate... kicking Kian right in the groin, and then following it with a body slam! Twilliger shouts to the crowd, "TWINKING SENTON!" and wobbles to the ropes, wobbles back... BELLY SPLASH! Twinkie immediately looks to the crowd for approval, and only gets boo's for his effort! Not discouraged, Twilliger decides to roll over Kian and sit on Konga's back, forcing the air out of his lungs. Twinkletoes motions of the Twinkettes at ringside, and like Konga's caretaker, his wish is received! Twinkie gets a roll of newspaper tossed at him, and he dumps the contents on the mat.... WHICH IS BROKEN GLASS! Twilliger just rubs his face in it, screaming "BAD PUPPY! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" This garners a few chuckles at ringside, as the fans actually are enjoying seeing his violent side to Twinkletoes. Tired of rubbing his face in it, Twinkletoes rises to his feet... only to begin stomping Konga's face in the glass... Konga just lets out a primal scream, and hits Twinkletoes with a shoulder thrust. With another scream, Konga now gets to his feet, and hits another shoulder block, before grabbing Twilliger with a double underhook.... SUPLEX ONTO THE GLASS! Twilliger rolls around in pain, only getting himself cut more, as Konga calls for more goodies, seemingly enjoying the taste of his own blood as he begins to wear a crimson mask. This time he gets himself a steel chair, and first whacks Twilliger with it, and then places it on Twinkie's head. Konga, with a loud grunt, jumps... DOUBLE FOOT STOMP!!! One side of Twinkletoes' head felt steel, the other compressed more into the broken glass! The fans are going wild at this display of violence! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! WE LOVE DERP! With both men now sporting crimson masks, Konga again calls for more goodies... This time he gets himself one of his favorites... A CHEESE GRADER! "The War Mongrel" goes right over to Twilliger, and begins just making shredded cheese out of Twinkletoes' forehead! He just grinds it back and forth and back and forth, opening him up more, just making Twilliger bleed like a stuck pig. With another scream, Konga lets go, and stands up, turning to walk away... BUT TWINKLETOES WITH A LOW BLOW OUT OF DESPERATION! Kian might not feel pain, but he does feel that! Twinkletoes, now bleeding as bad if not worse the Konga, is even slower than normal getting to his feet. Feeling the need to put this away now, Twinkletoes calls to his Twinkettes again. He doesn't' ask for a prize this time, he tells him to get something... set up?!?! The Twinkettes understand perfectly, as they set up a table on the outside. But they're not done, as Twinkletoes begins hitting Kian with forearm shot after forearm shot.They now cover the table in a liquid....... AND LIGHT THAT BITCH ON FIRE!!! The fans roar, loving tables, especially those covered in fire!!! Twilliger pulls Kian over to the ropes, near where the table's set up. He kicks him in the gut, and lifts him up for a power bomb... but Kian wiggles.. and wiggles. and wiggles free! He quickly backs up as Twinkletoes turns around and hits a DROPKICK! Twilliger backs into the ropes, heavily dazed. Konga walks over, past the tacks and glass... and charges again... ANOTHER DROP KICK!!!! It sends Twilliger up and over the ropes........ THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE!!!! WE SMELL BACON! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE SMELL BACON! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE SMELL BACON! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE SMELL BACON! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE SMELL BACON! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP Konga wastes no time, and rolls to the outside, He picks up a few pieces of the table, and just whips them at Twilliger, who has not rolling around in pain, and laid up right near the guard rail. Konga gives Twilliger a few kicks, but then decides to... LIFT UP THE GUARDRAIL!?!? He brings it down, suplex style, right across Twilliger's back! And then.. HE LAUNCHES IT INTO THE RING! Grunting and growling, Konga pulls Twinkletoes to his feet, and rolls the big little man back into the ring. Konga follows, and his first order of business to is to slam Twinkletoes head off the guardrail. Twilliger falls to the mat... RIGHT ON THE TACKS!!! Konga goes and moves the guardrail, choosing to now lay in against the ropes. Twilliger, reaches his arm out to the fans, yelling "I NEED YOU MY LITTLE TWINKIES, GIVE YOUR POWER!" The crowd just laughs, but Twinkletoes... seems like he's having a seizure?!?! Elbitz and the Twinkettes at ringside try to get a ¨Twinkie Power¨ chant going The crowd responds with their own chant FUCK HIM UP, KONGA, FUCK HIM UP! CLAP, CLAP FUCK HIM UP, KONGA, FUCK HIM UP! CLAP, CLAP FUCK HIM UP, KONGA, FUCK HIM UP! CLAP, CLAP FUCK HIM UP, KONGA, FUCK HIM UP! CLAP, CLAP In spite of the chant, Twinkletoes seems to be getting ¨Twinkie Power" as his arms are gesturing wildly. He screams out, "I´ M TWINKING UP!, I? TWINKING UP!" as Konga approaches. He gives Twilliger a few boots, but Twilliger seems unaffected. He gives Twilliger a few stiff jabs again, but there's no effect!! Twinkletoes keeps shaking his arms wildly before kicking Konga in the junk again, much the dismay of the crowd! He follows it with a.... DDT ONTO THE NEARBY TACKS!!!! "the King of the Cruiserweights" flops an arm on Konga! 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! Twilliger looks upset, and gets to his feet and gets into the face of the referee, complaining of a slow count. Konga pulls himself to his feet, bleeding badly and paying no attention at all to it. He grabs a near by chair, first using it to steady himself, and then he approaches Twinkletoes from behind.... CRRRRAAAACKKKK! Skull splitting chair shot! CRRRRRRRAAAAACKKKK! Another one, this one taking Twilliger to one knee! CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKKKK! And the chairs destroyed, bent badly over the skull of Twilliger as the big little man crumples to the mat. With a growl, Konga puts the chair under his but... leaps.... Arabian face buster on Twinkie! But even as the Caretaker says go for the pin, Konga goes to the top rope with the chair in hand! Konga tries to steady himself on on the turnbuckle.... But Elbitz climbs the ring apron and tries to enter the ring! The ref immedaitly goes to stop him, but that just allows the Twinkettes to climb the apron and try to push Konga off the ropes... BUT THE TWINKETTE GETS A NASTY CHAIR SHOT FOR HER EFFORT! The Twinkette falls to the floor, as Konga then turns around to face Twinkletoes and... BBBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! Twinkie hits the TWINKLING MIST!!! The crowd horrified and disgusted! Some ring side fans begin vomiting as Konga is blinded by a spray of half digested food particles and various other fluids! Blinded, Konga falls off the turnbuckle. Twinkie runs into the ropes and executes the TWINKLING TRIPLE FLIP MOONSAULT!!! He hits the running leg drop onto and goes for the pin. 1... 2...... 3!!! [FUCKING FATFUCK MOTHERFUCKER HEEL POP! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: "KotC" Twinkletoes Twilliger | | | | | | FINISH: Twinkling Triple Flip Moonsault| | (Running leg drop) | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* The Bell Rings and the ref raises the hand of a stunned Twinkletoes. The crowd is just irate! Twinkletoes slowly gets up to his feet, and takes in the angry response of the fans who hurl insults and garbage into the ring. Twinkie responds with a celebratory dance, because in his mind, they're all cheering him and showering him with praise instead of popcorn and half billed beer cups. As he finally exits the ring, the DERP crew begins cleaning the ring, getting rid of all the trash, as the projectors fire up once again.... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* A lone man stands in the back at Delaney's Private Warehouse. Shrouded in a black hoodie with flame designs printed burning up from his waist, Tyrone Heat sneers, his mouthpiece already in, showing the world the word “RESPECT” printed across the front of his teeth. Pulling back the hood, the dark-skinned fireplug exposes his reverse mohawk and glowers at the camera.] TH: The time has come for the Trashman to take out the trash. Do I even need to be specific? Take a look at a man like Donovan O'Reily, if a man he can be called, and tell me he ain't trash. Man lives out of a car and _likes_ it that way. He's that scumbag that parks to sleep in your driveway and then uses your lawn for a toilet. You wonderin' where that giant shit in your front yard came from? Look no further. That weren't no 300-pound Great Dane poppin' a squat on your Kentucky bluegrass, it was a bum with an attitude and no toilet paper to boot. Yeah, I said bum, O'Reily. Not bum as in homeless as I do believe you could hold a home if you so chose. You're a bum because you were somethin' special once but not no more... I hear about the man who conquered Japan and reigned there as champion. I hear stories of how fierce you were. Then I look at you. I'd feel pity if you weren't such a damned rabid dog goin' after poor Denny. The man could be a champion here but you took it upon yourself to try and take him out. He ain't gone, Don, but maybe, after tonight, you will be. [Looking down, Heat flares his nostrils, then looks back up into the camera.] TH: You're a bad man, Don. No denyin'. Got a bit of hubris in you 'though, sin of pride and not a grain of respect for your fellow man is to be found in that wasteland you call a soul. Thing is, I maybe had a little trepidation when I first laid eyes on you after agreein' for the first time to help Denny Latimer in his war against you when we took you and Ikuto to task but that didn't last. You sank your hooks into me, Don, and y'know what? It wasn't that bad... You're a big man. Good for you. You know how to gobble down the grub and suck back the beers, brother. I bet you think that makes you like a ship at harbor, anchor sunk deep in the ocean floor. If that's so then just call me a tidal wave, son! I already proved I could move you. I can huck a man bigger than you halfway across the ring. I'm a throwback to the days when the grappler ruled the ring, man. And I can throw you back right out of DERP no matter what you say. Throw you through a table? Fuck. Yes. I can. [A low growl escapes Heat as he shakes his head at the camera.] TH: So be it in the form of splintering particle board or your own blood splatter believe me when I say Don … Hell. Will. Rain... [Cut... to a screen playing all sorts of Steeler highlights.] VOICE: Are you for some _FOOTBALL_!?!? [More Steeler highlights. Harrison beating people up. Polamaulu intercepting passes and running them back. Mendenhall breaking off runs for megayards. Ward catching touchdown, Ben throwing them.] VOICE: Are you ready for some... _FANTASY FOOTBALL!?!? [The highlights continue, featuring some of the big super plays. Parker's 75 yard run. Randel El's TD pass to Ward. Harrison's 100 yard return. Santonio's incredible catch.] VOICE; Well, lucky for you... DERP HAS THE ANSWER!!!! [The highlights go into hyper speed, before stopping on a Steeler logo.... and then Delaney steps out from screen right, dressed in a Heath Miller throwback Steeler jersey, smile plastered across his face.] DELANEY: You see, folks.. DERP has it's _OWN_ fantasy league! That's right! And anyone of you can sign up to play along with your favorite DERP superstars... including myself! [Nods.] DELANEY: The league is set up on Yahoo, with the league ID number being: 260234 and the password is... derp! The LIVE DRAFT will be held on Sept 6th at 10 PM EST!!! [Chuckles.] DELANEY: And to add some _EXTRA_ incentive... IF a fan wins the league, they can pick a _DERP DREAM MATCH_... and if a _WRESTLER_ wins.. They can demand a title shot against _ANY_ DERP champion they want! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Wow! That is a pretty cool announcement! I know Delaney wants DERP to be a 'family affair' and a close knit group, so that's one helluva way to accomplish such a thing! Fans, wrestlers, and the OWNER, all in the same fantasy league with THOSE type of rewards on the line? It cannot get much sweeter than that! The two Josh's, Manning and Black, are already in the ring, as the pending punk chords can signify only one thing...] * ARE YOU READY... * * ... TO OBEY ... * * ... THE COW GOD? * [YES WE ARE POP~! The continuing instrumental version of Green Jelly's "Obey the Cow God" bring the crowd to their feet, Loco is the first one out from the entrance, with the Steel City Tag Team Title around his waist. He hops around frantically, pointing out the gold around his waist to the fans. Moo follows a few steps behind, one hand holding his title high in the air. They make their way to the ring, and roll into the ring, as Manning and Black roll out. Moo hands over his title to the ref, but as the Josh's get back in... Loco's having a hard time letting go! he won't even unstrap it from his waist! The ref keeps trying to grab it... and Loco puts his dukes up!!! Luckily. Moo steps in and explains to the young chicken that he cannot wrestle with it on, that he must hand it over, and get it back later, when the match is over if they successfully vanquished the evil. With probably a tear in his eye, Loco's hands over his pretty.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | DERP STEEL CITY | | TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH | | | | COW AND CHICKEN (C) | | vs | | JOSH MANNING & JOSHUA BLACK | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Loco very enthusiastically volunteers himself to start the match. With a chuckle at Loco's excitement, Moo gets himself to the apron will little effort. After a game of rock, paper, scissors, Black gets the opportunity to start the match for his team. Loco can barely contain himself waiting for the bell... and he really can't! He gives Black a spinning kick! The runs and knocks Manning off the apron with another spinning kick! He then runs back, runs right up the turnbuckles for a... CORKSCREW BODY PRESS! Loco hangs on for the early pin attempt... 1... KICKOUT! Manning rolls into the ring, not very happy at _all_ with Loco. As Loco gets to his feet, he is clubbed from behind by Manning. Moo is not pleased at all and instantly enters the ring! He goes for a clothesline, but Manning ducks. Moo bounces off the ropes, and comes back... BIG SCOOP SLAM BY MANNING! Black is back to his feet, and working on Loco in the corner. Manning pulls Moo to his feet... The Irish whip the champs at each other... LOCO LEAP FROGS MOO! STEREO SPLASHES INTO THE CORNER!!! The crowd erupts in pleasure! Cow and Chicken seem quite pleased with themselves, as Moo returns to the apron, as Manning crawls towards his, the ref finally getting control of the match. El Pollo Loco pulls Black up to his feet, and whips him into the ropes. He catches Black with a drop toe hold, and then quickly follows with a elbow drop! But his frantic pace is not done yet, as he gets up and runs to the corner... He climbs to the top rope... SOMERSAULT LEG DROP!!! Again. Loco hooks the leg for a pin attempt, trying desperately to protect his pretty!!! 1... 2...... SAVE BY MANNING! The crowd is not happy one bit, but they gotta be pleased all Manning did was give the young chicken a boot to the face before exiting the ring. As both men lay on the mat, Moo begins to slap the top turnbuckle, trying to get Loco up and moving! Both men are stirring, Black rolling over onto his stomach and shaking his eyes. Loco gets to his feet, but is on the opposite side of the ring.... He begins to walk towards "Da Cow God"! The crowd buzzes!!! BUT BLACKS TO HIS FEET! He spins Loco around... NECKBREAKER! He then drags Loco to his corner... and makes the tag! And Manning enters the ring with style, slingshotting himself over the ropes for a leg drop of his own! He then helps Loco to his feet. As the chicken wobbles, Manning runs to the ropes... leaps to the top... springboards of... BITCH SLAP!!!! The crowd moans on impact, as the slap echoes around the arena, with Loco following to the mat! Manning even takes a moment to look at Moo, flip the "Da Cow God' the bird, and bounce of the ropes.. ROLLING SENTON! Manning makes the cover! 1... KICKOUT! Moo didn't even get a hoof in the ring before the chicken kicks out! Manning doesn't' miss a beat, rolling Loco over and locking him up. He hits a snap suplex... but rolls it over, and goes for another one! And he still doesn't let go! He rolls the chicken over and, and hits another snap suplex! And he floats over for another pin attempt! 1... 2....... SHOULDER UP!!! Moo made it in the ring this time, but wasn't needed! The ref ushers the big man back to his corner, as Manning continues the assault, not surprised at all at the resolve of the chicken. Man wants to protect his pretty, ya know!?!? Manning again peels Loco of the mat, and goes for behind for a waistlock. He pulls Loco towards the one corner... AND LIFTS HIM UP FOR A RELEASE GERMAN SUPELX!!! Loco hits the turnbuckle CHEST FIRST and completely upset down! With a smile, Manning plays to the crowd a bit, before pulling Loco away from the ropes, and going for _another_ pin attempt! 1... 2...... SAVE BY THE COW GOD!!! The crowd just goes wild, as Moo drops an elbow right to the back of Manning's cranium. He instantly leaves the ring, knowing Loco needs a tag, not for him to make matters worse. Manning rolls off, and goes for his corner, as Loco begins to stir. Moo begins to get the crowd into it... LET'S GO CHICK-IN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO CHICK-IN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO CHICK-IN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO CHICK-IN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP LET'S GO CHICK-IN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP It does seem to help, as El Pollo Loco is pulling himself along the bottom rope, only a few feet now from Moo! BUT MANNING MAKES THE TAG! Black rushes into the ring, and grabs Loco by the legs, pulling him right away from making the tag! And Black wastes no time, choosing to lock on a BOSTON CRAB! He just wrenches back on Loco, making the chicken cluck in pain! BUT MOO'S NTO TAKING IT LAYING DOWN! He enters the ring the with a vengeance, giving Black a straight boot kick to the back of the head, sending him sprawling. Manning gets into the ring, and Moo.. CATCHES HIM WITH A SPINEBUSTER!!! Manning rolls out of the ring, as Black gets to his feet again, again charging Moo... BUT MOO GIVES HIM A BIG BOOT! Black stumbles, as Moo picks him up... AND TOSSES HIM OUT OF THE RING..... ONTO JOSH MANNING!!!! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! Moo seems quite proud of himself, as Manning and Black are busy recovering on the outside, as the young chicken recovers inside. The fans continue showing their support, trying to get Loco to make the tag, as Moo's back on the apron now where he belongs, arms outstretched... Loco is crawling, military style, using his elbows... He can see the tag... he can feel making the tag... Manning's up on the outside, but leaning heavily on the guardrail. Black is up to a knee...... AS EL POLLO LOCO MAKES THE TAG!!! The entire DERP are an erupts as Moo steps into the ring _FINALLY_ as the legal man! As Black and Manning stir on the he outside, Moo begins to stomp around the ring, mooing as he goes, really getting the crowd into it. Black goes to slide into the ring, but as Moo approaches, he rolls right back out with the fans giving him shit left and right! Moo just laughs, as Black wonders around the outside of the ring, refusing to get inside. He asks ref to keep "Da Cow God" back and he'll get inside. Moo unwilling agrees, letting Black get in the ring and to his feet. Moo charges, as Black goes a tie up... but quickly goes downstairs on the big man! Black quickly then bounces off the ropes, and catches Moo with a knee lift, sending the big man down to the mat. Black lays in with the stomps, as El Pollo Loco stands on the apron helpless... He then decides to kick Moo over and drop to the mat... LOCKING ON THE BLACKOUT!!! A CRIPPLE CROSSFACE!!! Even on a man the size of Moo, the move is quite painful, as the look the Moo's face screams! Loco paces back and forth, unsure of what do to... Moo is using his strength, trying to get to the ropes... Black is doing all he can't to prevent Moo's movement, wrenching harder and harder back. and then, suddenly... with a loud "MOOOOOOOOOOOO!", "Da Cow God".... BREAKS THE HOLD! He first gets to his feet, and then punches Black straight in the face, until he lets go! Moo quickly grabs Black and drops him with an atomic drop! Black almost leaps into the air in air pain, hitting the ropes. Moo continues the attack, pulling Black into a fireman's carry position.... He then begins to spin, spin and spin and spiiiiiinnnnn... BEFORE DROPPING BLACK WITH A DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! A bit dizzy, Moo still makes the pin! 1... 2...... MANNING WITH THE SAVE! The crow ROARS with disapproval, as Manning entered the ring with a springboard enzuguri, damn near kicking "Da Cow God's" head off. Seeing the opportunity though, Loco immediately enters the fray! Manning sees him coming, goes for a clothesline... BUT LOCO DUCKS AND HANGS ON! He floats on over.... WRARAROUND DDT!!! The crowd explodes, as Moo gets to his feet! Cow and Chicken have a bit of discussion, as Moo pulls Black off the mat! He whips him into the ropes, as Loco goes running as well. Moo catches Black with a drop toe hold, as Loco hits a running leg drop!!! Loco's not done, kipping up and running into the opposite ropes. Moo stands up only to drop an elbow to Black's head, as Loco comes back with a... CHICKENSAULT!!! That's the _COW AND CHICKEN COMBO_ folks!!!! The crowd is just eating it up! THAT WAS AWESOME! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP THAT WAS AWESOME! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP THAT WAS AWESOME! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP THAT WAS AWESOME! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP THAT WAS AWESOME! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP But the DERP Steel City Tag champs aren't done yet! Moo pulls Manning off the mat, and nods to Loco. He pulls Manning up... AND POWERSLAMS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE! Loco runs up the turnbuckles... FLYING ELBOW DROP TO THE OUTSIDE!!! The crowd explodes all over again, as Moo bounces off the ropes.... MODIFIED BIG BEEFY SPLASH on the downed Black! Moo hooks the leg! 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! As much as the fans aren't happy and letting the ref know it, Moo doesn't miss a beat. He simply pulls Black to his feet, backs into the corner, and throws Joshua over his shoulder... He takes off running, going for the Stampede, a running power slam.... BUT BLACK WIGGLES FREE! Moo hits the corner chest first, as he failed to put on the brakes. Black charges in, locks Moo up.. and with an amazing display of strength.... DROPS MOO WITH A T-BONE SUPLEX!!!! But Black has no energy to make the cover, as he lays on the mat, just trying to shake the cobwebs. Luckily for both men in the ring, their partners have slowly made their way to the apron! Manning looks certainly worse for the wear, holding his back, but Loco doesn't look all that much better, leaning on the ropes, looking worn out and his adrenaline rush over and done with. Both men though, see the situation in the ring and try to get their partners to make the tag. Manning begins to shout insults Black's way, hoping anger gets Black fired up... as Chicken begins to shout "MY PRETTY, MOO! WE CAN'T LOSE MY PRETTY!" Both Moo and Black begin to stir, and begin to get to their knees. With Moo's size, he doesn't have to reach far! Black begins to crawl to his corner! Moo shakes his head violently back and forth.... Black reaches out... he dives... as does Moo....... BOTH MEN MAKE THE TAG!!!! The crowd roars!!!! But as Manning and Loco enter the ring, its hard to tell they've been fighting for over ten minutes and are worn out! Manning doesn't waste anytime, going for his ROARING ELBOW! Loco ducks the loaded elbow bad, and as Manning turns around, c athces him with a kick to the gut... MAT SLAM! Loco jumps, grabs manning by the ears, and just slams him into the ring! The crowd goes wild!!! However, it's not for Loco, though that's probably part of it!!! "The RegiSTARed One" has begun to make his way down to the ring! He tries to motion to the crowd to stay quiet, as his eyes immediately find his GNAW Heavyweight title sitting in the one corner. Black, who has to be barely conscious, spots Wilkes and his eyes go wild! He immediately hops of the apron, and runs towards his title! Both men get their about the same time, and begin fighting over the title! Black finally rips it from Wilkes hands, smacks him with it... AND TAKES OFF INTO THE CROWD!!! Wilkes stumbles a few steps, and heads right after Black, as fast as the bandage and fresh stitches will allow him! Back in the ring, Loco has gotten the big man to his feet in the corner, as Manning slowly gets to his feet in the opposite corner. Loco makes the tag out to Moo, but doesn't leave the ring necessarily... he perches himself on the top rope as Moo moves in on Manning! Moo kicks Manning hard in the gut, followed by a nasty overhand club. He grabs him out into the center of the ring... and puts Manning on his shoulders! He turns towards the perched Loco! Within a instant, Moo pulls Manning down down into a seated inverted face-first spine buster as Loco comes off the top rope... with top-rope catch DDT... SPIKING THE THE SPINEBUSTER!!!! THE SACRIFCIAL MOO!!!!!!!! And "Da Cow God" makes the pin! 1... PERFECTLY ALLIANCE HITS THE RAMP WAY... 2...... THEY RUSH TO THE RING, WITH FANS BOOING AT TOP OF LUNGS... BUT THEY DON'T GET THERE IN TIME!!!!!!!!!! 3!!!!!!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Cow and Chicken | | | | | | FINISH: The Sacrificial Moo | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [But the DERP Steel City Tag Champs don't get any time to celebrate their victory, as PPD was only seconds late, meaning they're now in the ring and doing a number on the champs. They got the same chains they had last week and they do the same thing, wrapping them around their necks, screaming "HOW'S YER LEASH FEEL BARNYARD BITCH!?!". Lance picks Loco up by the chain.. AND BEGINS TOSSING HIM AROUND THE RING! Max elects to get Moo square in the junk, and then wrap it around his neck, just choking the hell out of "Da Cow God" Manning gets to his feet, a bit groggy, and calls for Omar to get him a chair. Omar obliges, and Manning swings.. THHHUDDD! He bends it right over Moo's head, busting him wide open! Lance now is tired of just sending Loco around the ring... he tosses him over the top rope, really _REALLY_ choking the chicken now! PPD IS FUCKING GAY! FUCKING GAY! FUCKING GAY! PPD IS FUCKING GAY! ALL DAY LONG! PPD IS FUCKING GAY! FUCKING GAY! FUCKING GAY! PPD IS FUCKING GAY! ALL DAY LONG! Manning and Max pull Moo to his feet, and whip him into the ropes. Moo comes back... and catches a double hip toss onto the chair! The sound is sickening, as Moo clutches his back! The fans are not happy at all, again pelting the wrestlers with garbage of all sorts. It increases intensity as Omar slides in the DERP Steel City Tag titles. Max grabs one, and begins to drag the bloody Moo around the ring, posing with the title. Lance pulls Loco back into the ring, grabs his title... and whacks Loco right in the face with it! The Studd brothers lay the titles in the middle of the ring, as Max first pulls Loco to his feet, and puts him on his shoulders, while Lance climbs to the top rope. Max turns his back to Lance... Lance comes off the top rope... FLYING BULLDOG!!! Its the Perfectly Perfect Execution!!! And Loco landed face first on his title!!! WHERE'S YOUR CRACKWHORE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WHERE'S YOUR CRACKWHORE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WHERE'S YOUR CRACKWHORE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WHERE'S YOUR CRACKWHORE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WHERE'S YOUR CRACKWHORE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WHERE'S YOUR CRACKWHORE! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP Now Max points to "Da Cow God", as Lance whips the big man with his chain. The two pull Moo to his feet, as Max tries to life Moo up... First attempt.. FAILS! The crowd cheers, but its short lived as with lance's assistance Max gets Moo up! Lance now makes it way to the top rope!!! [OOOOOOOHHHHH MMMMMMYYYYY GOOOOOOOOODDDDDD FACE POP!] TYRONE HEAT!!! TYRONE FUCKING HEAT OUTTA NO WHERE! He pushes Lance right off the top rope, and the Studd brother crashes head first into the guardrail! Max unsure of what happened, drops Moo only to turn around, and catch a flying shoulder charge! He sends Max flying into the corner, Heat charges into the corner... LEAPING HIP CHECK! Max stumbles out, as Heat catches him military press style... AND DROPS HIM WITH THE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER... ONTO THE CHAIR!!!!!! The crowd goes insane!!!! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! With Omar scrambling to pull Max from the ring, and collecting his troops for a retreat thorough the crowd, 'the Trashman' demands a mic. HEAT: I bet some of you are sitting there saying. "there is Delaney again, sending out someone else to fight his fight for him".. And I tell you straight up... YOUR FUCKING WRONG! [Pause.] HEAT: You see... I came here to wrestle tonight. I came here to put someone through not one table... BUT _TWO TABLES_! [WE LOVE TABLES POP!] HEAT: What I did not come here to see tonight is bunch of whiny bitches continue to throw a tantrum over losing a match! And I'm sure neither of you in the crowd did either! So, your welcome and now let's get that Punk Donovan O'Reily out here so I can start having some fun! ["Burning Hell" by the Brainbombs rips over the public announce system, as Donovan O'Reily makes it loud and clear he has no problem answer Tyrone Heat. Everyone's eyes turns toward the beer lines... but there's no Donovan!!! That's because he's standing at the top of the ramp, the DERP cooler slung over his shoulder, a fresh pounder in his hand! He stumble walks to the ring, cursing and spiting at obnoxious and unappreciative ringside goofs. O'Reily raises his fists to the Heavens but gets roundly booed for his efforts. Scoffing, he continues toward the ring. He stands on the ring steps lights a smoke, sips some his beer, and ducks through the ropes, careful not to spill his beer.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | MAIN EVENT - 2/3 TABLES MATCH | | | | "THE TRASHMAN" TYRONE HEAT | | vs | | DONOVAN O'REILY | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* "the Trashman" takes a few steps towards the center of the ring and stands, arms across his chest, hands tucked into his arm pit, scowl on his face. O'Reily's face is flush red from the booze, and kinda stumble walks towards the center of the ring, his cigarette still lit as he sips out his beer. The two men continue to eye each other up, as the "Here We Go" guy does this thing... HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO! CLAP, CLAP Tyrone mouths something inaudible as Donovan just shakes his head and tosses back the rest of his beer, flinging the empty into the crowd. He then takes one long drag on his smoke, flashes a smile at Heat... and moves to put the cigarette out on Heat's chest! Heat responds instantly with a double throat thrust! O'Reily just drops the smoke, and clutches his throat, as Tyrone continues backing him into the ropes with stiff chops. Heat then decides to whip O'Reily across the ring... and catches O'Reily with that leaping hip check knocking the drunken brawler to the mat. But Heat doesn't let up, rolling O'Reily over and locking him up with a... DOUBLE ARMBAR!!! "the Trashman" just rears back, pulling on those arms, trying to do nothing more than take away O'Reily's firepower. Donovan just grits his teeth and continues to taunt Tyrone, almost laughing it seems. With a grunt and a final torque, Heat lets goes. Both men quickly get to their feet, Heat trying to stay on the offensive... but O'Reily lunges with a lariat, knocking Heat backwards! O'Reily tries to capitalize, shakes out his arms, and starts catching Heat with rights and lefts. Finally, he goes for a clothesline.... taking both man up and over the top rope to the floor below! On the way down, Heat whacks his head off the apron and as he tries to catch himself, falls back into the guardrail! O'Reily comfortably lands on his feet, as he like you to think he planned, and continues the assault! First with rights and lefts, and then.. he takes a beer from one of the fans wearing a black and white Ward jersey! He takes a sip.. and then punches Heat with it, beer flying everywhere! But Heat doesn't take it lightly, he begins to fire back down! First a stiff chop, and then a elbow to the face. O'Reily backing up now, as Heat moves in, and cinches him up... belly to belly on the outside! O'Reily rolls around in pain, as Heat gets up, and pulls O'Reily up. Focusing on the back now perhaps, Heat whips O'Reily into the guardrail... HARD! Tyrone walks on over, and grabs O'Reily... and whips him across the floor into the other guardrail! He then charges, and hits O'Reily with a flying shoulder charge... BUT O'REILY DOVE OUTTA THE WAY! Heat catches nothing but steel! He clutches that arms, taking a few steps backwards, as O'Reily now looks to capitalize. He first knocks Heat backwards a few more steps with a European uppercut, and follows that with a nasty headbutt! O'Relly has to give his head a shake, feeling the effects of that one as well, as now he goes to whip 'the Trashman' into the guardrail.. NO! He doesn't let go! SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE! Tyrone's head smacks off the concrete floor! The fans groan in pain, as some of then begin to chant... WE WANT TABLES! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE WANT TABLES! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE WANT TABLES! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE WANT TABLES! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP WE WANT TABLES! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP O'Reily must be okay with listening to the fans wants because with a smile that says "OH YEA!" O'Reily begins to dig under the ring, where a plethora of tables exist. O'Reily pulls one out, slides it into the ring. He pulls another out, throws it into the ring. And he pulls a third out... Grabs it, walks with it for a few steps.... AND SUPLEXS IT ONTO HEAT!! Tyrone was just getting to his knees and gets knocked right back down with the falling table! O'Reily seems like the only one upset in the building, seeming to have expected that table to break! He doesn't seem all that discouraged, though, as he approaches Heat... only to get a stiff jab to the gut! Followed by another and... JAWBREAKER! O'Reily backs up a few steps, as Heat grabs the table... and stabs O'Reily in the gut! He then leans the table against the guardrail. O'Reily tries to fight Heat off, throwing a few punches, but Tyrone has nothing of it, responding with fists of his own! Heat pulls O'Reily off the guard, slides behind.. He locks on a full nelson of sorts and positions himself in front of the table..... Looks like he's going for one of his favorite suplexes, the Cobra Clutch Suplex... He makes sure he's just right distance away, bends at the knees,........ THE CROWD LETS OUR A CHORUS OF BOO'S! O'Reily'with the mule kick between the legs! O'reily turns around, grabs Heat by the head... and SLAMS it off the table! And one more time! And another! Heat looks out on his feet, and blood's starting to trickle, as O'Reily reaches into the crowd, grabbing a cookie sheet off nearby fan in a cowboy hat. He brings it down over Heat's head... NO!!! Heat rips it out of his hands... AND CRACKS O'REILY WITH IT! He grabs him.... EXPLODER SUPLEX... THROUGH THE TABLE!!! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! TRASHMAN! Both men are laying in pieces of table, as the crowd continues to go wild, caught off guard by the quick brutality of Tyrone Heat! The referee signals the start of the minute break, as both men lay on the floor, eyes probably rolled up into their heads. ANNOUNCER: And the winner of the _FIRST TABLE_... ..."THE TRASHMAN" TYRRRRROOOOOONE HEEEEEEAAAAAATTTTT! The announcement causes the fans to start right back up, cheering Tyrone on as the DERP suplex machine gets to his feet, using the guardrail. With a few deep breathes, Tyrone stumbles forward and rolls into the ring to wait out the countdown. He takes a few moments to collect himself, then begins to go to work... setting up the tables O'Reily tossed into the ring! He leans one against the turnbuckle and sits the other up in the center of the ring. He then parks a seat on the table, arms cross his chest, waiting... O'Reily isn't much behind Tyrone in getting to his feet. He pulls himself up using the guardrail as well, obviously feeling the effects, trying to rub his neck out. He sees Tyrone in the ring, and walks over to where his DERP cooler is... and pulls out another beer! He pops it open, much to the glee of the fans, and begins to roam around the ring as the countdown nears it's final seconds. O'Reily rolls into the ring, careful not to spill the beer, yelling at some DERP stage hands to stack a few tables around ringside. They oblige, as O'Reily gets himself to the center of the ring! Now there are two tables IN the ring, AND a double stack of tables on either side of the ring! If the fans wanted tables, they sure as hell got them! In the ring, the two men are nose to nose, Tyrone seated on the table, Donovan right in his grill. Ref warns the men it's almost time to start round two. O'Reily heeds the warning, electing to chug his beer... but stops half way to bash the can over the head of "the Trashman!" The ref screams he has to wait another five seconds, but the two men pay no attention! They are just swinging wildly, lefts and rights raining down, both men laying it all on the line. Heat seems to be on the losing end of this one, but isn't giving up! O'Reily winds one up, going for the knockout, Heat side steps it, and takes O'Reily to the mat with a basic armbar! But Tyrone has his own style to it, choosing to elbow the crap out of O'Reily as the armbar's locked on. Donovan is having none of it, though, as he forces his way back slowly to his feet. Tyrone keeps laying on the punches, and elbows, but O'Reily doesn't seem to be discouraged... as he stomps right on the foot of Heat! Heat's caught off guard, loosening the grip... and O'Reily pulls away! He follows with a big kick to heat's gut, and grips him up.... PULLING PILEDRIVER! Heat goes down! And the fans let him have it, not happy at all! FUCK YOU DRUG ADDICT! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU DRUG ADDICT! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU DRUG ADDICT! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU DRUG ADDICT! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU DRUG ADDICT! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP O'Reily pulls himself up using the ropes, and lays a few boots into 'the Trashman' before pulling him to his feet. He whips Tyrone right into the table in the center of the ring! So hard Heat doesn't just catch waist first, he flips right over it, bringing the table with him! O'Reily lets out a chuckle, as he hops out of the ring, and digs under the ring... finding himself a few toys! He tosses a Singapore cane, and a chair into the ring! But he's not done... he has a box of LIGHTTUBES with him as well! Donovan gets into the ring, and walks over to where Heat is busy collecting himself. He tosses the table out of the way, causing it to get caught on the ropes with one of its legs. Donovan wastes no time, grabbing Heat by his wrist, and pulling 'the Trashman' towards him, nailing him with head butts each time... before whipping Heat into the corner! Tyrone slumps against the turnbuckles, as Donovan fixes the one table, and lays the box of lighttubes on it.... pulling one out!!! Donovan walks to the corner, sizes up Heat.... SMMMAAAAASSSSHHHH! The lighttube bursts on impact! Pleased, Donovan pulls Heat out of the corner, and pulls him towards the table. O'Reily pulls another tube out.... SMMMMAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH it goes over Heat's head, who's now bleeding even worse! But Donovan's not done, as Heat is still standing! He pulls out another one, thankfully only one remains.... SMMMMAAAAAAAASSSSHHHHH! Again O'Reily breaking it over Heat's head, who again stumbles around, but won't go down! Donovan pulls out the last one..... SMMMMMMAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH! But Heat's still standing, HE JUST WON'T GO DOWN! O'Reily now looks enraged! He kicks Heat right in the gut, throws his head between his legs.... Donovan stares at the table, and down at Heat, sick smile coming over his face.... He tries to lift Heat up, but Heat blocks it! O'Reily tries again... but Heat blocks it again! AND HEAT GRABS O'REILY LEGS AND LIFTS UP! O'reily falls forward, over Heat's back, Heat grabs Donovan's arms...... AND DROPS TO THE MAT!!!! REVERSE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! REVERSE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! Donovan went head first into the remains of the broken lighttubes! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! D-E-R-P! The fans are just on their feet, as Tyrone pulls himself up using the table, covered in blood. He turns around, and falls back into the ropes, absolutely exhausted it seems. O'Reily crawls his way out of the broken glass, and even has to pull a few shards out of his skull, as the blood is just pouring out of him! Heat leaves the support of the ropes, and first picks up the chair O'Reily tossed into the ring... choosing to just heave it at Donovan! It connects with a thud on O'Reilys back! Heat then grabs the Singapore cane and walks over to Donovan.... CRRRRRAAAACKKKK! Across the back, the welt forming almost instantly!!! CRRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKK! Another shot across the back, and nother welt! CRRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKK! Heat hit him so hard the cane just snapped in half! O'Reily goes to roll out of the ring, but 'the Trashman' won't let him! Instead, Tyrone pulls Donovan to his feet and uses his legs to his advantage! Shin kick to the right skin, another shin kick to the left! He follows it with a front thrust kick right to O'Reily gut, knocking the drunken brawler back into the corner! He then follows it with a spinning round house! That one catches O'reily straight on the jaw, and sends falling face first into the mat! Tyrone isn't done, though, instantly pulling O'Reily to his feet, dragging him over towards the one table in the corner. First Tyrone elects to slam O'Reilys head off it a few times, before turning him over and leaning him against the table. He takes a few steps out... SUPERKICK TO THE JAW OF O'REILY!!! But the table doesn't break as O'Reily falls back into!!! Tyrone going for the WIN there, and it just doesn't' happen! Precut tables my ASS! O'Reily falls to his left, sliding off the table slumping on the ropes. Tyrone grabs the chair... THHHHUDDDD! Right across the back of O'Reily, causing him to hop off the rope in pain! THUDDDDDD! And that one put him right back on the ropes, this time with his back against them! Tyrone walks back a few steps and charges, the chair raised like a spear....... AND O'REILY FALLS TO THE MAT! He pulls down the top rope... TYRONE GOES RIGHT UP AND OVER!!!! But the fans roar as he lands right on his feet! O'Reily sees this, and... SLINGSHOT CROSS BODY! That is not expected out of O'Reily, but the big man's decision was effective! Both men spill to the floor, but O'Reily's momentum carried Heat headfirst into the guardrail! The fans are truly impressed by the crazy dive to the outside! HOLE-LEE SHIT! PIGS CAN FLY! HOLE-LEE SHIT! PIGS CAN FLY! HOLE-LEE SHIT! PIGS CAN FLY! HOLE-LEE SHIT! PIGS CAN FLY! HOLE-LEE SHIT! PIGS CAN FLY! HOLE-LEE SHIT! PIGS CAN FLY! Both men slowly stir. Heat using the guardrail, O'Reily using the ring skirt. O'Reily shakes his head, trying to shake those cobwebs as he rolls back into the ring, laying flat on the mat. Tyrone gets to his feet, stumbles forward, and rolls himself into the ring. O'Reily now is shakeningly to his feet, as is Tyrone. O'Reily goes for a left, but Tyrone grabs his arm.. SINGLE ARM DDT! O'Reily's laid out, as Heat slides the one table kinda close to the one corner. Heat pulls O'Reily to his feet, and whips him to said corner. Heat charges in... SPLASH!!! O'Reily is groggy as all hell, as Tyrone picks him up.. and sits up on the top rope! Tyrone looks back at the table, making sure his judge of distance through the crimson mask is right. He then hooks Tyrone for a superplex! But Donovan blocks it! Heat tries again, but again Donovan blocks it! Tyrone lets go and goes for a couple punches to get O'reily back in the mood... but gets rocked with a head butt! And instantaneously, O'Riely stands straight up and... ....SUPERPLEXES HEAT BACKWARDS, OUT OF THE RING!!! ....HE LANDS RIGHT ON THE DOUBLE STACK OF TABLES!!!!!!!! ....THE CROWD GOES INSANE!!! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Donovan O'Reily | | | | | | FINISH: Superplex thru double stack | | of tables at ringside | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* O'Reily slumps off the top rope and hits the mat, barely conscious. DERT EMTS immediately surround the carnage at ringside, pulling Heat out of the rubble and checking his vitals. Heat gives the fans a thumbs up, as the medics continue to check over the DERP fan favorite. And that... That brings us to the end of house show number three! I say again DERP has shown it 'self to be setting the bar of expectations higher and higher each and every week! This Friday is HOUSE SHOW NUMBER FOUR, where the fans bring the weapons battle royal will occur! Don't forget, Delaney announced this show was FREE TO THE PUBLIC tonight, so come one, come all, and watch the DERP superstars beat each other senseless for singles championships! _____________________________________________________ THOUGHTS? REACTIONS? SPEAK YOUR MIND RIGHT HERE: http://z13.invisionfree.com/DERP_Forum/index.php?showforum=4